sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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