Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
