He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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