my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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