I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
