Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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