Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
