Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
