if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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