the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Acid is not a monday night drug
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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