Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
