Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
