No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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