Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
