I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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