Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
