dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
