then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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