i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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