I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
