You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
