Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
