I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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