In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
