Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
