Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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