I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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