I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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