Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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