the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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