Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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