nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
