I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize