I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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