Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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