Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
