some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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