these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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