drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
