Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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