some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
