xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's even glitter on my cock...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
