Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
