I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
