im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
