her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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