What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
