Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
