is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed