I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked