Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later