So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
