I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
too bad you live with your parents still
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
