3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
