It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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