You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
