she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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