Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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